Avoiding and Accepting

One year ago:

Things that scare me I tend to avoid so I can say:  "Nothing scares me!" (one of my favorite lines....:-) And believe me I am a very good avoid-er. For example I avoid stress like no other human I know. Í am almost never nervous, I avoid it. Anger too, Only my ex-wife can bring me to real anger and besides that I never ever fight with someone, I avoid it.

Avoiding can have some bad side-effects. If I avoid something that is necessary for me to learn it will keep on coming back to me stronger and stronger until I loose the fear and face it. That can take a long time. So the smart thing here is to Accept these fears come to see them in the face and deal with them. Aha. So what is my fear? I can dig out of a wide range of small and bigger disasters happened in my life so I should have enough to analyse it. Money for example. I have a love // hate relationship which is actually based on fear. Fear of having to much money and Fear of having not enough. To much could mean to many temptations, less could mean loosing my business or worse my house and family for example. How can I deal with this dilemma? By facing this fear today perhaps? Looking it in the Eye. Maybe there is a relationship between my emotions and financial status on any given moment. So accepting means only looking at it and agree that this is very much the case and it needs to be dealt with. It is a problem that I need not to hide from anyone, but put out in the open so I can look at it from any direction. Accepting is also not allowing things in my life that are not good for me. I have to set boundaries to what I want and what I do not want. Between what is good for me and what is not good for me.

I am prepared to look at all aspects of myself, so I can understand and get over it!

Leendert van Velsen